Sun, 23 Aug 2009 18:54:35 GMT

CNN contributor Bob Greene firmly believes that the sun will not rise if mail is no longer delivered on Saturday.

Living in a bygone era of whistling mail carriers, cheerful milkmen, and Cockney paperboys shouting "Extree! Extree! Read all about it!", Greene has devoted not one, but two columns to the grim prospect of having one less day of the week in which the mail "just may" contain something "delightful."

After being informed by an overwhelming majority of his readers that the odds of receiving something "delightful" in your Saturday mail are somewhat less likely than winning the lottery on the same day, Greene -- not to be deterred -- released another article in which he appealed to his public's better nature as selfish bastards, saying that despite the $3 billion savings to the Postal Service from ending Saturday delivery, it would be "illogical" for the mail-receiving public to forgive them such a travesty in the face of climbing stamp prices.

Nowhere in Greene's sun-dappled Norman Rockwell world is the realization that maybe we want an agency of the government to save three billion dollars, and maybe we really don't care about Saturday delivery, the absence of which could protect Monday through Friday delivery from similar cutbacks. When Saturday mail goes the way of the Saturday morning paper, we'll have one less day when we can receive angry letters from our creditors.

At least Greene seems to recognize that the main purpose of hand-carried mail for most of us involves Netflix, but his stubborn tenacity in clinging to the idea that something will be forever lost! (whooo) in the precious fabric of American life! (ooooh) when Saturday mail is discontinued gives us a good idea why he's a print journalist, part of a medium that has far more past than it has future.

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 08:39:53 GMT

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